getting caught up or trying to:)

Does life ever slow down? Is there ever time to really rest? I'm not even just talking about going and doing, but my mind. I feel like it's always on go..... I didn't sleep well last night..... I would neccessarily say it's because I'm worried.... I just have so much that is filling my mind. I'm so thankful that the Lord really and truely knows how much we can handle and won't lay more on us than what we can handle (well, with him of course)......I dont know if there is anything else my mind can hold and my heart can truely handle and process....

A few weeks ago Scott and I had a friend that we meet from Rockin C Ranch (the camp we both worked and where we meet while in college) pass away. Her name was Heather Graff and she was 26 year old; She was married and has a 4 month old baby girl. I have since wrestled with the thoughts of why? how? why? I dont understand God..... I know that God does everything His perfect timing, but it is still unsettling and I know God is not threatened by my questions/thoughts. It's not that I'm really questioning why....for I do know the REAL why. Although I dont understand God's purpose (the why), I do know 'the why'..... sounds crazy. I know the big purpose is the bring himself glory.....maybe I shoud just say I am not really sure of 'the how' at this point. Fortunetly Scott and I myself (and Blaine) were able to travel to Nachodogches for Heather's funeral. The church was filled with flowers and absolutely amazing...... I have never seen so many flowers in one place. As I listened to what was being said of her and listened to her own words from her own blog, I was touched. I think in some ways it really hit home that I am not promised tommorrow.... I'm not even promised the rest of today. I asked Scott at some point during the middle of the week after Heather passed "why do we think we will live her on earth forever?" to which he replied something to the effect of "because we let this world distract us and take our minds off the eternal and for some reason we feel like we have all this time". I still find myself asking that very same question I pondered aloud to Scott.....and I find myself thinking about Scott's response. Why do we think we will live forever?..... If we really understood our lives and saw them as a morning mist, wouldn't we live a little different?

And speaking of our lives flying by us.....where has time gone? One year ago at this very time, we had not meet our beautiful baby boy Blaine. I cant believe it!! He will be one tommorrow!!! One whole year!! So Happy Early Birthday Blainey! I teared up today as he and I were in the car.....this is not unusual (am I weird that I cry alot in joy/reflection and honestly a sense of not knowing what the future holds?) I just can't help but think about all the time during my pregnancy leading up to Blaine......all the joys, the backaches, the swollen feet/hands and yes even the stretchmark afterwards.... I think about Blaine needed us for everything at first.... how much hair we thought he had and to look at him now..... how he couldn't hold up his head and now he dances, crawls, bobs his head, waves at everyone, gives me kisses, blows me kisses, hollers out for me, plays with the dogs, plays with his toys, watches Blues Clues, laughs when Scott and I cuddle in front of him, signs words, talks to us, feeds himself, sleeps through the night, points to thing he wants, cuddles with me and Scott, laughs out loud at things I may not even notice (etc...etc...)......and really just LOVES me and Scott! I just can't believe how he's grown....it's just unbelievable!!!! I never knew I could love him like I do....I just never knew.....

I feel so blessed! I have the best husband and son in the world. I just dont know how life could get better..... (maybe adding another son?...:)) Sometimes, I think it takes hard times to realize what we really do have..... I'm so thankful.....thankful for a hubby who loves me and I love very much. I hope that no matter what life throws our way.....I will always remember that even when I may not feel it. And when the 'things' of this life bog me down....I remember the 'people' God has blessed me with that really do matter and what I do for the Lord is really what counts......

I know there is way more to catch up on in my blogging, but I think I'll just go rest.......:)